Steps to Tantric bliss 

Tantra is an ancient path of self-development that regards sexual energy as the primary manifestation of our life force. Through Tantra people can experience love and sex as a flowing together of energies. Tantra is easy to grasp once you experience it: simply stop thinking and start feeling. Focus on the present moment. Be sensually aware of your body, and express your sense of aliveness and passion through it. Reconnecting with your body in a positive way via your senses gives you a surge of wellbeing and energy. 

There are several steps to Tantra. Three main steps are mentioned below: 

1) Learn to love yourself. Before you can love your partner completely, you must love yourself. Tantra first means taking responsibility for the quality of love that you can give. If you lack confidence or are frequently emotionally demanding in a relationship, you risk becoming overly dependent on your partner; if you feel distant, you are likely to push your lover away. In order to be truly happy in a relationship, it is necessary to be joyful when you are alone. 

To begin with, you may find difficult looking after your needs and nourishing yourself. If you are used to pleasing others at your own expense, you nee to learn to take the space to do what YOU enjoy what pleases YOU. Explore you particular passion in life and live them. Let go of the negative aspects in your lifestyle and/or relationships that hold you back, such as any compulsive or self-destructive elements. All the time you spend nurturing yourself will ultimately enrich your relationship as well. 

2) Get connected with your partner.

A sense of connection is fundamental to Tantric sex. It covers many levels: emotional, sexual, loving, sharing a sense of vision and acknowledging you deep bond as soul mates. In the same way that you take care of yourself, you can take care of your lover. Rather than relate to one another on the basis of your personalities, learn to see your lover as energy-body with whom you bond at heart level. Personality traits act as surface distraction, which get in the way of love energy. When we become irritated with our beloved’s traits, this creates additional blocks to intimacy. You can use your energy to create a bridge between the two of you, which will keep you clear of the obstacles that risk causing your relationship to founder.

Speak your truth. Use open communication to create harmony and purpose in your sexual relationship. This means speaking your truth and being heard, but remaining open and being willing to hear the truth of others. Look at the ways in which these truths are manifested in your life and love.

Surrender the need to control. Drop your defences and pretences. Frustration in a relationship can arise through attempting to impose your will or to make things happen. This creates a high level of tension. You may need to stop doing –to stop trying so hard- to make your relationship work in the way that you want. Being too pushy creates rigidity, stress and suspicion. Being too passive crates a lack of focus and a tendency to escape daily life through daydreaming. Find your centre of balance and maintain it.  

Connection exercise: looking with love

• Sitting in easy pose with legs loosely crossed, gaze into your partner’s eyes. Don’t sit so close that you are unable to hold your partner’s gaze comfortably for some time. Try to hold each other’s gaze steadily, without letting your eyes wander over their face or around the room. This doesn’t mean staring, but putting your whole being into the act of looking. As you give your attention to your lover, you also receive their gaze.
• Gaze into each other’s eyes, and allow your loving feeling to emerge. It may make you feel self-conscious at first, but this of course is because you are still feeling separate from each other. To connect, concentrate on the love and affection that you have for your thoughts. Let your heart fill with love, and let this love overflow towards your mate.
• Just look and observe your partner, your beloved. Tale in their appearance without mental comment. Still your mind, and enjoy their presence. Without speaking, look into your beloved, and open your heart.

3) Get sensuous and explore your desire.

The key to this part of Tantra is to involve all your senses.

Start by blindfolding your partner, in order for him/her to concentrate on the other senses first, that is sound, smell, touch, and taste. Do not underestimate the power that each of the senses has on the erotic build up of your partner.

• Sound. The sound of your voice, or a particular music of your choice, or whatever takes your fancy begins to set the scene.
• Smell. You can then start exploring each others bodies. Ask your (blind-folded) partner to smell your hair, your neck, your navel and so on. S/he should do so slowly, gently taking in the essence of you. Then it is your turn of breathing in your partner scent.
• Touch. This goes without saying. Touch your partner in the way that you know s/he likes to be touched. If you haven’t found out what s/he likes by now, there is no doubt that you will know by the end of your Tantric experience! You can also introduce things like feathers, silk scarves or whatever you like.
• Taste. Continue your sensual journey by ‘tasting’ each other in turn, including each other’s juices. You can also introduce food and wine of your choice.
• Sight. Remove your partner’s blindfold. Gaze at each other for some time and…the rest is up to your imagination! If you need any help with your imagination, you can have a look at the Kamasutra positions.